We, as BASEBALL UMPIRES, have heard statements and sounds that you might not have heard. Some are quite comical.
* Never knew there were things written on the bottom of the plate. “Flip the plate over and read the directions.”
* Some farmers have gone to our games. “You couldn’t call hogs.”
* Need a part-time job. “Keep calling them like that and you’ll be bagging groceries in September.”
* Carpenters needed! “Get a hammer and nails, the plate is moving around.”
* The Umpire Union. “You call more strikes than a union leader.”
* Bring an electrical cord. “Put a light in the cage.”
* Fans could become poor. “If I had a dollar for every good call you make, I’d be broke.”
* Lights have effects on Umpires. “Did you lose your strike zone in the lights?”
* How many I’s in umpire. “Now I know why there is only one (I) in umpire.”
* Pitchouts. “You couldn’t get a pitchout right.”
* Quoting the Bible. “Thou hast eyes to see, but thou see not.”
* Keeping it clean. “Do you need Windex for that glass eye?”
More sounds and statements that you might not have heard!!
* Keeping the Faith. “You will need to go to confession after the game.”
“Don’t bother brushing off the corners, you can’t see them any way.”
* What does your wife have to do with umpiring? “We know your blind, we’ve seen your wife.”
* Your strike zone is a missing child. “They’re putting your strike zone on the back of a milk carton.”
“Mix in some consistency every now and then.”
“Why do you keep looking at your hand? Is there a map of the strike zone on it?”
* Low strike zones. “Hey blue, that’s not a nine iron he’s hitting with! Bring it up.”
“Hey ump, I was confused the first time I saw a game too.”
* Wives comments again. “I’ve gotten better calls from my ex-wife.”
“Hey ump, that’s not a dinner plate. It has corners on it.”
“Why don’t you get your seeing eye dog to help you make calls.”
“We forgot to bring the milk-bones for your seeing eye dog.”
“Hey blue, if you had another eye it would be lonely.”
“Ump, is the plate round?”
“I’ve heard better calls at a square dance.”
“Hey blue, were you looking for the curve?”
* A two-man crew. “Which one of you is the designated driver?”
“Move a little. You are growing roots behind the plate.”
“I’ve seen better blue in a toilet.”
“Ump, try looking through the mask, not at it.”
“Terrible. You couldn’t call a cab right.”
“The circus is in town and the clowns are wearing blue.”
“These umpires must have gotten their licenses at Walmart.”
“Do you need a life line? Or maybe call a friend?“
* Always be in position. “If it were a donut you’d have gotten there.”
“Hey ump, it sounds like a strike.”
“Ump, don’t think about donating your eyes to science.”
“Open your eyes now ump.”
Hope you have enjoyed these statements and sounds you may not have heard. Please send us some you have heard and we will add them. We, as umpires, have heard many that at the time were not funny. However, now we laugh at them.
